Category: Anti-racist work

Teaching in the Time of Cholera

“She felt the abyss of disenchantment.”
― Gabriel Garcia Marquez, Love in the Time of Cholera

My brain feels like soup with small chicken bones lurking behind dumplings and carrots, just waiting to splinter and choke. I worked hard for calmness, for strength, and it’s fragile. I had this intrusive, nightmarish thought while trying to sleep that my _______and ______have plans to travel to ________and _____is pregnant. What if what if what if what if what if what if what if

What if we are not going to make it?

Wait, I can’t do better than that? Apparently not.

Writing is therapeutic, yet I procrastinate to the point of sabotaging the 19+years of keeping this blog, this blog that has gone nowhere, sputtered out, out of gas, while others have monetized, gained traction, followers, fans, and my creativity chokes on the weeds of envy and slime.

Well, that got dark fast.

I will do better, I say. I will. I will write more consistently and offer something of value to folks who read this.

While I am not sure how I can encapsulate this moment — there are far more qualified scholars, journalists, and writers than I, but I am a darn good bullet list maker, so here it goes.

A Non-Exhaustive List of the Things That Are in Constant Rotation In My Brain:

  • Since #gamergate hit in 2014, a targeted attack against Anita Sarkeesian and other women in the gaming field, boys have been fed a steady diet of trolling lessons, toxicity, and indoctrination.
  • Boys were and are under a barrage of toxic messages from men: men who seem wealthy, abuse and objectify women, and break the law and never seem to pay or have a consequence. Now I get boys mentioning Jordan P, Andrew T, and others. They defended PewwwwdEEEE Pi years ago, too. They showed students images of Hitler and “trains” and laughed.
  • We’re up to four women (and of course it’s more) in our nation who have been murdered for the act of losing a pregnancy. This particular nightmare swims in my brain– the idea that they are in a hospital parking lot, and inches away from care, and no one helps them. Not one brave medical staff goes out to HELP THEM.
  • And I can’t warn students and their families because teachers have been censored.*

*So, let’s talk about this.

Long story short, I had to talk with admin about some recent…events. It’s okay, everything is fine, and it did shore up my resolve to continue to teach critical thinking skills. And if anyone thinks this is simple, easy, or engaging in this day and time of misinformation and disinformation, that is the very air we breathe, the Bird-Boxing of us all, it is not. It’s not healthy, it’s heartbreaking, and it doesn’t matter. I have to do this. I have to do it so carefully, cautiously, and with huge amounts of wisdom and grace that some days I just don’t have. I don’t trust many adults now. I don’t trust them with their own children. And I have to get over that, now. Like, right now. Reflecting on what it means to trust means to let go of control. It is not my job or purpose to control or coerce. In actuality, I’ve never been one to try to control others — seriously. I believe in respect, self-respect, reciprocity, and love. And that my internal dialogue says is I am deeply grieving — we all are. Even if some don’t realize it yet because they think they “won.”

But even a forest fire generates new growth. I can plant seeds and hope for a new forest.

Some seeds:

https://www.comm.pitt.edu/argument-claims-reasons-evidence

Next post will be more ‘seeds’ of critical thinking ideas.

Steps of Apologies

Earlier this week, one of the (no need for superlatives here– all students deserve respect without qualifiers) students told me about a comment another one of my colleague’s made:

“Americanized?”

We talked, and the issue isn’t over. One could make a strong argument that I shouldn’t have placed the “Do you want me to do something about it?” question/burden on the student. I have spoken, and do speak with, other adults in the building I trust to ensure that the harm doesn’t continue and the student is cared for. What I wish is that white teachers who struggle with growth perhaps take a page from this creator’s amazing video shares:

And I have no notes for this creator.

But I do have a few for some of my white colleagues: you are going to feel defensive, and your defensiveness is a poison to awareness, growth, or reflection. You said something really dumb and racist. I’ve said dumb things. I’ve misgendered a student, and then quickly apologized and corrected. I’ve learned about colonized language/colloquialisms that are harmful. If you get called out or called in, apologize, and do better. And be prepared that your apology does not guarantee you grace. I learned that the hard way on Twitter. I did harm, I apologized, and I was removed as a friend. And I am working on understanding that my inner ADHD/trauma and fear of being mischaracterized don’t take priority over someone else’s truth.

Anyway, here is a video I have shown at the beginning of every school year:

a plan, of sorts

just making a list

@kellylove100 #duet with @ted_alexandro #standup ♬ original sound – Ted Alexandro
https://www.tiktok.com/embed.js

Just trying to capture some of the ideas before they fly out of my head:

Summer Reading:

Note: want to re-read Parable of the Sower by Octavia Butler: I read The Handmaid’s Tale around the time it was published in 1985 and it truly scared the soul of out me: Parable was published in 1993, and many have said Atwood got so many things wrong and white-centered in Handmaid’s, and I need to look at Parable/Butler with a keener eye. And while I never read Beloved, I did see the movie, and that’s not enough. It’s long past time.

Akata Witch Novel Unit

For next year, a colleague in another building wants to collaborate with me on a novel unit for Akakta Witch by Nnedi Okorafor. Stay tuned: this is my passion and joy.

Multimodal Unit

Pst: kelly …yeah…don’t forget to save your work that you did on the multimodal PD, mkay?

Write that book.

Plan equitable portfolio and project practices.

try to get some rest

Visit your dad in Texas

Curated Resources: All American Boys

All American Boys

Template Annotated Bibliography

My district recently adopted some more current novels, All American Boys by Jason Reynolds and Brendan Kiely among them. I’ve had this novel since its publication, and while it didn’t collect any dust, I made sure to read as much as I could. Well, now it’s time to dive in with my students. While I went rogue my first year in the district, and “taught” Long Way Down by Jason Reynolds, it was the first novel my MLL students had read since elementary school. I was even fortunate enough to go hear him speak that fall and wanted to bring my students, but my principal wouldn’t approve the $200 bus fee. (Yes, I’m still salty.) Recently he saw All American Boys on my desk, asked if I had read it, and said we’re about to–he shared that he and his wife listened to it, and his wife had an emotional response. (I did mention that Jason Reynolds was the author I and the librarian went to see…in a not-so-subtle way.)

Anywho.

Here is the photo with Jason Reynolds, and he autographed copies for me, and yes, I am still over the moon to have heard him speak and meet him:

Jason Reynolds

I was thinking that maybe, just maybe, my students now can write him a letter and see if he wants to stop by our little alternative high school.

And I can’t help but think — All American was published in 2015; in YA years, this could be considered a ‘long time ago.’ But it’s tragically just as relevant and needed now in 2022. White supremacy continues to grab and hook its tentacles into every aspect of our lives, from #CRT, Women’s Health Care, police brutality, and trying to begin to heal from #COVID, Texas’s inhuman and cruel treatment of trans kids and their guardians/parents, and the absolute nightmare of the Trump years.

So — this kind of helped me see the bigger thoughts — take some time to read Ijeoma Olua

This Is Why We Don’t Talk About Her Anymore

Parents & Guardians

TL: DR Meetings with parents and guardians can be made simpler and with more care.

A little story:

Many years ago, I saw the need for an alternative to the current ASB (Associated Student Body) group. The ASB at the time was comprised of very highly motivated, engaged, and energetic students who also understood the “rules of school.” Mind you, and I’m saying this clearly so there is no misunderstanding: the ASB leader and students were amazing. And, it was not a club where everyone/anyone could join. It’s based on elections and voting and is often a popularity contest.

via GIPHY

So, I asked my students if they were interested in starting their own club. They were mostly Black and multi-racial girls, about six of them, many of whom had negative experiences in school. They decided to go with the club name of Royal Queens because the feeder high school they’d be attending next year are the Royals, and yes, they were Queens. Okay, cool. Got permission from one of the assistant principals, (one of the most amazing women I’ve ever known) and carried on.

The girls did projects like, on Valentine’s for example, put a valentine heart on every single locker (over 600) from them. Some kids said it was the first Valentine they’d ever received. They would get a special pass to go help with projects around the school. And yes, sometimes — they took advantage of this or were a little disruptive for some teachers, and yes, I had at least two other teachers* complain about them. But they had fun, and so many of them grew and matured, and are loving young adults today. Just an amazing bunch of students.

Pausing to a parent meeting with one of the girls, “T.” T was imaginative, intelligent, funny, joyous, and a loyal and fierce friend to her peers. For some reason, she was in trouble, and we were called into a parent meeting. The other teachers* were ready to attack. They said their piece about how awful and disrespectful “T” was. When it was my turn, I told her mom that T was part of this club, worked really hard, and from everything I could tell did an amazing job of advocating for herself, and many other positive things. Her mom just stopped and stared at me for a second and said, “This is the first time a teacher has ever said anything good about my daughter.”

So.

Okay.

This doesn’t work for every situation, content area, teaching style, or student. I’m trying to coalesce concepts that are not easily filtered.

Parents and guardians want their children to do well. To thrive. Generational trauma, systemic racism, and white supremacy create a toxic mix when parents come into a meeting about their child. Add to that our own experiences we bring to the room, and our beliefs about parenting. The assumptions, stereotypes, and white savior tropes get in the way of many (white) teachers. Clear that away from one moment of clarity and just remember: no matter how good or bad you think the parent/guardian is sitting across from you, there is a blood bond between them and that child in the room, too. Our role is not only to deliver instruction and to ensure their child strives for mastery of that content area but to be and grow to who they are — that’s it. And it’s a collective, nourishing growth. They, students, can show up with love and self-respect. Do not demand respect from students and parents when you have not modeled self-respect.

When it comes to grades, oh boy, nothing upsets many teachers more than when I say don’t markdown for late work. Just don’t. If a student has nothing turned in, build a system in place, especially for older students, where they can call or text their parents to let them know. They always have their parent’s number, even if the grading software isn’t updated. In the age of digital grading systems and alerts, I promise you — speaking from my own experience – all the alerts in the world will not help a parent of a child who has #ADHD or other neurodiversity. And if the parent also has ADHD (ahem) she is most likely doing their best to function in the workplace as well as tend to a child who is struggling to stay organized. And please — throw out this “real world” notion that the real world only functions in a linear, time-demanding way. Notice I didn’t say always — I said only. There are many ways the world functions. People have depression, ADHD, autism, and many other cognitive demands. This does not mean whatever you’re asking them to go can’t be done. It means you’re going to have to work WITH parents/guardians and students to make it work for them. That’s it.

Asset-based mindsets, accurate diagnosis, continuous reflection, and readjustments. And for goodness sakes, just say something good, okay? OH AND FOLLOW THAT IEP/504. This is not a war of attrition against parents where teachers are “winning” something. The cruelty, egos, and overall garbage I’ve witnessed are egregious. But as Mr. Rogers says, I look for the helpers. Who’s in charge of making sure the education law and rules are followed? Who’s in charge of the grading practices and equity? What is my role in the following and adherence to the laws? Quite a large one, actually, as are most teachers.

If there are serious issues, such as gang-related, criminal activity (and no, sorry, crop tops and spaghetti straps don’t count) those are issues that are at the administrative level. At this time in my career, I will do whatever is in my power to disrupt and stop the school-to-prison pipeline. But if it’s reached that point before the student is in front of me, I will still do what I can. This might mean offering an online course for a student, making my time and instructional available in flexible hours, whatever. This does not mean this is a choice other teachers can and should make.

One thing I’m “good” at, which came with a lot of tears and hard learning, is how to interact with parents and guardians in meetings. I’m not naturally good, or…perhaps I am. I took something in my personality and experiences and reflected many times over the years — what would I need and want to hear if I was on the other side of this table? And, with my second son, I was on the other side of the table. I learned so much.

I’m going to offer this to any teacher, veteran, or rookie, this service: I will have a conversation about how to approach grades, discipline, and just an ear to listen — with this caveat — I will give advice and ask questions. You can ask me on Twitter @mrskellylove

“Can’t take a joke.”

teachers: you’re just not funny

So.

So.

Other white women teachers. A word, please?

She looks like Cameron Diaz? I don’t see it.

This teacher TikTok personality is receiving just criticism for her ageist, ableist, and appropriating AAVE.

A few of my favorite teacher friends on Twitter posted about her, and that’s the only reason why I saw her TikToks.

At one point in her life, she might have been popular, considered cool, funny, and a good friend. But nothing about her TikToks tell that story. Her work shows a racist bully, someone who is shallow and needy. And I’m not going to check her ID to verify if she’s really GenZ, anymore than I want her to weigh in about my age.

Her responses to criticisms are as defensive as her blatant white supremacy and privilege. She’s a brat.

Lynn Rice Scozzafava, among many others on Twitter, summed it up:

https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js

And for all that, I think the thing that strikes me the most is how racists use “joking” or comedy as their defense, and that someone those of us who criticize or ask for a reflection/apology are somehow deficit in our senses of humor. This teacher isn’t a comedian. She’s cringy. She’s “punching down” which is comedic death. It’s never funny. We’re still in the “stop hitting yourself” nation.

And while skilled comedians and satirists punch “up,” if what Meghan Mayer thinks she’s doing is ‘relatable’ to her students, she’s just wrong. She’s in the position of authority. She’s the white woman in the room using her privilege to appropriate and mock students. She is punching down, and hard, at her students. And to the other adults surrounding her and encouraging her, you’re just as complicit.

I’ve said some things to students that weren’t okay. “Jokes” that hit a sour note, didn’t land, and just plain hurt. I am not asking for absolution, atonement, or forgiveness. There is no forgiveness, there is only learning and geniune apologies, and the acknowledgement that I am wrong. And even if everyone in the room is laughing that doesn’t mean the humor isn’t mean spirited and downright cruel. The time of cruelty is still a marker of this epoch. The Meghans of the world are probably not going to change, reflect, and apologize. Their dopamine levels are too plugged into their power in their brains to do any of that.

And when these kinds of people don’t recognize the harm they do, or stop to reflect, or apologize, they may think they’ve gotten away with something. She took her big hurt back to TikTok:

“I have a LOT of black friends”

There are plenty of teachers and educators on social media who have wonderful things to say and share. Let’s just consider and agree that if our humor is punching down, we’re stooping pretty damn low if teachers are aiming at children.

Newsworthy

https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js

It’s weird how what I consider to be innocuous tweets get attention, positive and not-so-much. So, as a place for more information, here are some sources I have grown to trust. This is not an exhaustive list by any means:

Of course, follow many of the folks I’m following on Twitter, including @JennBinish: she writes about history, educational history, and is a fact-checker extraordinaire. Moreover, she listens.

  1. Valerie Strauss who writes about educational issues in the Washington Post https://www.washingtonpost.com/education/2021/06/21/critical-race-theory-ban-florida/
  2. NPR Education news https://www.npr.org/sections/education/
  3. Follow what educational experts say on Twitter
  4. Make your own connections:
    1. News about taxes, deductions, living wages, etc., affects all of us. Challenge yourself to learn more about economics and our capitalistic system of money.
    2. Learn more about how public school segregation still exists and how it affects your students
    3. Understand how schools are funded–who is writing your checks?
    4. Even if you don’t teach #EL/ML (English/Multiple Language Learners) how is your school/district affected by immigration policies? Who is being harmed by them? What propaganda and conspiracy theories are being used to harm students?
    5. How do gun laws affect school shootings?
    6. How does white supremacy and historical facts continue to harm students today?
    7. What tools and strategies can you find from experts who help you navigate these big issues?

Here is a media bias chart. I can support the claim that the R side is also full of propaganda outlets.

https://www.allsides.com/media-bias/media-bias-chart

And I would never, ever expect anyone to expend energy in places that do not serve them or their students. But I will ask this: if another teacher does know something, please do not make him or her feel like a know-it-all, breathe through your defensiveness, and just listen. Recognize when your cognitive dissonance may be at work: sometimes when we hear something that’s traumatizing and tears at our world views, our brains must push back. That’s part of our survival.

And think for a moment: when I have a student who comes to her junior year of high school and had no idea there were elections besides the presidential one, or students who are told by teachers that the world is only 6,000 years old, or me when I learned from a student that there were indigenous enslaved peoples: the willfully ignorant teacher is defensive and downright rude to students who might have more knowledge than they do, and this will break down any so-called relationship one has built. Now the same student who taught me more about history also refuses to get vaccinated because of TikTok videos. I hope she changes her mind: I try to modal critical thinking skills and the flexibility of mind, another reason to be informed.

But I can’t help but think about Philando Castille and what might have happened if every teacher, in every school, across our nation had just walked out for one day to say that the state may not kill one of our own. A man who loved children, our children. In schools. That’s a place to start.

The Words of Warcraft

Over the decade of playing World of Warcraft ™ I’ve run across a few allusions to other works in literature, music, and the arts. For fun (!) I thought I’d do some research into how many allusions appear in Azeroth.

Just the other day, I came across this:

THE CASK OF AMONTILLADO by Edgar Allan Poe
https://www.poemuseum.org/the-cask-of-amontillado

There are also numerous puns:

Get it?

And while there are many literary references in Wow, 10 AWESOME BOOK REFERENCES IN WORLD OF WARCRAFT the pop culture ones are as valuable and endearing: List of Pop Culture References in WoW.

Winne the Pooh reference in Stormsong Valley

https://www.wowhead.com/news=286599/winnie-the-pooh-reference-in-

In a region called Bastion, which is full of angels and paragons, (it’s a little creepy, quite frankly), one of the NPC dialogues is “clear skies, full hearts, can’t lose” which I immediately recognized as a Friday Night Lights line, though I haven’t seen a single episode. I’m not a football person. How did I know it was from that show? Because popular culture exacts a toll. One of my colleagues used it on T-shirts or something for students. We know things in the moment because it’s collectively shared or shoved. I think of the groundlings in Shakespeare’s audience chatting around the village wells sharing one-liners and bawdy jokes from the plays. It was entertainment. And I realized most stories and series I watch are based on Bible stories. No one can convince me that Better Call Saul isn’t grounded in Cain and Abel. And I’m not even a Christian church person.

And I need to think more about this. Recently, #DisruptTexts was attacked. That aggression will not stand, man. I’m thinking of the disingenuous argument that people won’t know where ideas, references or allusions come from unless we muddle through language that’s over 500 years old. Yes, novels that continue to be taught do provide a cultural reference point. But whose culture? What reference point? Yeah, you know who. Allow me some time to ponder this, and work with some amazing women I know.

Cement.

In my drafts folder is a post of what I really want to say, things I want to expose, but experience tells me to censor myself. For now. Reframe it, be mindful, professional, and progress.

[TL:DR Skip to the last paragraphs if you want to know what EL teachers do.]

Context: I’m in my second year of EL teaching, and my fifteenth year overall. Straddling between imposter syndrome, confidence, and COVID19 building closure, I stepped in my usual gopher holes. But fortunately (and this is an understatement) I work with an admin and district person who could not be more supportive, intelligent, insightful, and there. And while I had to let go of my institutional expertise and community standing (whatever the heck that means) to leave the district I was in for twelve years, it is hard on my ego to admit that I just don’t have the credibility or trust that others do. And my Ego and I had a long talk, a few, actually, and decided it was okay, that what I do have are these two women who are in the work with me to help our students. Do I wish folks would listen to me? Yes, of course, because it would sure make things easier for our students in the short and long term.

The issue, mixed with lack of trust, an unmanageable amount of stress and fear, is this: I was having difficulty coordinating the support time for the ELs in their other classes. Most districts call this the “Check and Connect” time, and having been on the general education teacher side, I have seen my share of great EL teachers who truly support and help scaffold, and those who just saunter in the room, chitchat about football or the weather, and then walk outside again. I am definitely NOT that teacher. Nor am I a paraeducator (and this contains multiple meanings).

Turns out I was not the only one who met with challenges about how to best proceed to support students during the building closures/remote learning. A few weeks ago, however, I sensed the need for clarification on my role in the building, and put together a pretty cool slide presentation to share. However, I didn’t get the chance, and the reasons are painful to write about. But things converged and aligned, and my admin invited the district point person to share at one of our staff meetings.

But– before all this–I have one student who does her work. She shows up. She’s highly motivated to graduate, and it is in her personal character. I am not suggesting that other students don’t care, aren’t motivated, or any of that. They are trying to survive. And while I was helping her with a science lesson, one of the words was “cement.” For some reason, I asked her if she knew what cement was, and she said no.

Think about that for one minute. Or two. Or sixty. A simple scaffold I’ve done for native English and English learners alike is to pull out the vocabulary from a lesson, do anticipatory guides, comprehensible input, etc. Background knowledge building is critical. Contextual information, also critical.

I wanted to share this with a meeting with my admin and the science teacher, but alas, the science teacher had to back out of the meeting at the last minute.

Last year, one of those quick meetings would have been no big deal. I worked in other teachers’ classrooms, sat quietly, listened. pulled out vocabulary and created support instruction and shared. My colleagues seemed genuinely pleased to have me in the building, and collaboration and cooperation was heartfelt and beneficial to our collective students.

This year, I’ve been accused of lying for my students, giving them “the answers,” and helping them cheat.

Yeah, it’s been awesome.

I am just going to put it in the mental bin that year has been too much. Others have unseen pressures, sorrow, grief, and fear that I do not see, nor do they see mine, and grace is not easily bestowed. I’m not sure some folks know what grace means. If it came in the form of a crystal necklace owned by a pointy-eared woman named Arwen and we could pass it back and forth, sure, it would be easy. Maybe we need to make “grace passes” like bathroom passes for when we need each other to back the heck up and think twice about sending that long, nasty email?

This year, I’m not allowed to sit in on their Google classes. I hope that changes, because the EL students need me there. Not “me” but an EL teacher. One teacher has taken me up on my offer for the SIOP protocols and I wait for students to seek help, but I know it would be better if I was there in real time. Believe me, I do understand other teachers’ fears of having teachings ‘observe.’ We had an instructional coach who blatantly said she would tell admin what we were doing, which is a cardinal sin of instructional coaching.

Trust between colleagues is thin and broken now among many teachers across the country. Why wouldn’t it be? We don’t trust each other to wear a mask. Why would we trust each other in the workplace? I’ve seen it firsthand, and felt the long lasting damaging effects. And I hope one day I get a chance to tell a few colleagues this, to share my story, and because of that I have vowed not to harm and try to maintain trust.

My independence is tethered for a bit, and that is the cost. I will pass everything through my admin, and we’ll do what we can. Moving forward, I will still continue to do the best I can, continue reaching out to students, make my little instructional videos, send my notes and letters, and telling students to reach out to their content area teachers first.

Oh, and we have some cultural misconceptions to clear up, too, but that’s for another post.

Moving on.

Yesterday was a terrible day. Nothing in particular happened to me or mine personally, and maybe it was just the last seven months, inside of four years, and the lack of healthy spiritual oxygen to my brain and soul. Our country is in its most precarious place now, and maybe I’m just sick with anger. Anger poisons, doesn’t it? A caustic oxidation process that burns away hope.

But that was yesterday. I turned things off for a bit, watched The Queen’s Gambit (saved the last episode for tonight)! The anger, though, is still there, like a feral cat who demands food but accepts no love or comfort. What do I crave, what will I be denied?

I want an apology.

I want an apology from colleagues who use their power and privilege to stop conversations and dialogue that seems to threaten them. And I want an apology from every teacher who voted for Trump.

I want an apology from parents and teachers who don’t “believe” their children should be allowed to read “that book” (but never seem to have an issue with white authors/protagonists). Teachers who use the word “indoctrination” in social media groups. I want an apology from 57% of white women voters in this nation for confusing fear with male gaze. My dears: they are looking right past you, and stepping on your Botox to get to their true prize: patriarchal power.

Did they get you to trade
Your heroes for ghosts?
Hot ashes for trees?
Hot air for a cool breeze?
Cold comfort for change?
Did you exchange
A walk on part in the war
For a lead role in a cage?

https://genius.com/Pink-floyd-wish-you-were-here-lyrics

And for pity’s sake, people, WE KNOW:

https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js

I want us to create a mandate.

To not accept less for our students and their families.

We understand and teach science, evolution, anti-racist practices, know how to dismantle conspiracy theorists, teach culturally relevant and responsive practices, use Zinn Education, Teaching Tolerance, Facing History, #DisruptTexts, ProjectLit, #1619Project, and parents are not allowed to censor texts wholesale, we listen to BIPOC parents and students when they bring attention to texts that harm, are racist, bigoted and of poor scholarly quality. We support teachers and students who want to read a wide variety of texts and decolonize curriculum. We teach civics, political discourse, the consequences of platforms and policies, the mechanics of power. We teach consent and healthy views of our bodies, our lives, and our communities.

Oh, and those apologies? Keep ’em. And if you can’t come up with one, get out of the way, please. I’m not waiting. We’ve got work to do.