place for everything and everything all over the place

What is your issue with Marie Kondo?” a respected colleague inquired the other day.

I have no particular issue with her personally, her show, her writing or ideas. Many of my friends touted her book a few years ago. There is some wonderful advice, and cleaning out physical clutter often helps us clear out emotional clutter, too. We Americans buy too much crap. And, this reminds me of years ago during one NCTAsia.org conference, the Eastern cultural notion of holding onto belongings, buying things of high quality that lasts instead of our Western consumer-trash was presented as an idea of cultural competency and contrast. Some have mentioned the backlash against Kondo is racially motivated, and there may be some truth in that. Americans consume and we expect the rest of the world to supply. Kondo gently but firmly makes us look at that.

Thinking back on my own rituals of cleaning up and out, during BFA days in my trailer/studio I took over–it was parked behind the print shop at the University of Delaware, abandoned. Since no one seemed to mind, I squatted all of my art materials there and created. It had running electricity, so my boombox played INXS, Robert Palmer, Peter Gabriel, and The Pretenders to my heart’s content. One of my creative rituals was to tidy up my dump of a studio before beginning projects. Part of the process to put the jars in a row, pick up litter and debris, pop paintbrushes in lined-up jars and cans, anything to avoid the big, blank canvas. Even when I learned the trick of coating the canvas with a wash of black paint and medium, (which I have since used as a writing metaphor with students), the act of lining things up still sits with me today. The challenge is even though I still often line things up, that’s often where I’ll stop. Instead of getting in the mental mud and truly, deeply cleaning, I go through the optics and mental trickery–the sad truth is I am overwhelmed, creative, and ebullient–so many things I want to do, share, create, think about, talk about and achieve–but then sometimes I just shut down.

The thing is– I need to acknowledge both my own stubbornness and agency when it comes to my stuff. My friend Sharon and I had a great conversation about this the other day. She is also an amazingly creative and intentional teacher. She creates the most incredible hallway displays and has an eye for theatrical and large mural-esque messaging. She has moved classrooms once in the 13+ years at my previous building. (I moved about 4-5 times during my 12 years there, and of course my big move to another district, so there has been some purging along the way.) People try to ‘manage’ her. And we both wish they would just stop. She knows how her classroom set-up works best for students and for herself. She holds kids accountable like no one I know (and I’m pretty good at it in my own way). But her desk area is undeniably cluttered. She’s too busy teaching, creating, thinking, and making to do much about it. But it does bother others. I’ve received that same message when an admin once looked around my thousands of dollars of books and essentially called it a roomful of crap. So–yeah.

And I just want to ask–“If this bothering you, how is that my problem?”

The issue is not whether or not I “Kondo” my classroom or home, the issue is other people’s comfort levels or discomfort, depending on their perceptions of my space, time, and creative energy. When they bring their bias and control in my space, I feel itchy and weird. I go to this immature place in my head, begin feeling stubborn and defiant.

My life is a mess right now. And I do take pleasure in the same victories, such as when I complete a grading task or fold towels. However, I balk and pushback a little too hard when others “tell me what to do.” In terms of my house, I’m lucky I can scrape enough together to pay the mortgage right now. We’re going through a rough patch. There are three other adults living in this house, all perfectly capable, and willing, to clean a bathroom, do their own laundry, and unload a dishwasher. But it’s taken 26 years of my emotional and mental labor to get them to this point. And I still have to say it out loud and ask. But in terms of the spaces where I work, play, rest and create, I’m doing the best I can. Back off, please. I know how good it feels to clean out a closet. My mother will tell you I’ve done this for years. I love to iron, straighten up, throw things away. I made a resolution once to put together all pairs of socks out of the dryer and didn’t lose a single sock for years. But now I have a husband who has his stuff, and two grown sons who also have theirs, and I’m not going to manage it along with my own. We’ve compromised that there are spaces in our home that require communal tidying, and all the other spaces are ours. In my classroom, I make it clear that I am sharing my resources out of love of creativity. Use accordingly.

Our little rituals of control help us when the world is out of control, and heaven knows it is so spun out now we are looking for any source of magic and joy we can squeeze out. And quite frankly, I’d rather be writing than cleaning out my drawers. You know you would, too.

Related Ideas:

How The ‘Scarcity Mindset’ Can Make Problems Worse

The Scarcity Trap: Why We Keep Digging When We’re Stuck In A Hole

Leave That Messy Desk Alone: Studies Say There’s a Benefit to Clutter

Marie Kondo’s show shines spotlight on women’s unpaid labor

Summer Series of Saves: Toys in the Attic. (I)

 

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Other educators in my ELL Endorsement made this: I really like the arrow/target connection. One more image I’ll keep in my bulging sacks of digital content.

Part of transitioning to a new job includes cleaning up my digital life. One might think the virtual files would weigh much less than the physical boxes of books and paperclips, but one would be wrong. At last count, I have over four cloud servers: Google, OneDrive (work) OneDrive (personal), Dropbox, and iCloud. I have found some gems in the stash, however, and definitely, some items that required brutal, blunt-force deletion. All the cloud servers require some attention, as well as my YouTube channel,  which needs some polish and sparkle.

One thing I found in the folders within a folder was this.* It’s not that special, and needs to be redone; however, I keep it to be reminded that I know what I’m doing. After a few interviews here and there (I’ll get to that), I realized I kind of stink at interviews.

Here’s the deal: I was offered an amazing position in the district, but something wasn’t sitting right. My dream jobs opened up at other schools, three, in fact, all high school ELA. Everyone who knows me, including my sons, see me as a high school teacher. But apparently, I didn’t convince the interview teams. Since two were in my district, and they’re all begging for highly qualified teachers, I thought at least I’d have a chance. But nope. Turned down. And of course I’m second guessing myself at every flashback: did someone not give me a good recommendation? Was it my silly summer hair? Did I not carry myself like “a high school English teacher?” (whatever that means), did I not thoroughly express my ability and expertise in planning thematic units? I mean, at what saturation point does a teacher get a chance? How many PDs, book studies, practice, collaboration, accreditations, accolades, and demonstration of knowledge of some of the greatest minds in and out of my surrounding district do I need to know or do in order to prove myself? In a district that is bleeding high-quality teachers, what did I do wrong? (I thought back to the interview in my 20s when I thought I was confident and self-assured only to be told I came off as ‘flip and irreverent.”)

And then: they messed with my money.

It’s fine now, but long story short, there was mishandling of the National Boards stipend money or a misreporting, and my stipend was potentially going to be cut in half this summer, and we are counting on that money.

I saw this image in front of my eyes: DAVE THE BAD BOYFRIEND.

Many of us share this experience with a bad boy/girlfriend. This is the relationship that is marked by lack of trust, ill-fitted expectations, and out and out lies. After dating DTBB for many years, pinning my hopes and dreams on this young man, and giving second, third, and twentieth chances, finally, one evening, I must have caught him in a vulnerable mood, because I asked him, “Are you ever going to marry me?” and he simply said, without hesitation, “No.” And that was that. One clear moment of honesty, for himself and for me. I heard it loud and clear.

I thought I was okay until I was talking with a colleague from one of the high schools, and she was so sad for me. She had worked with me at the middle school and thinks I’m an awesome ELA teacher and was visibly disappointed her school didn’t sign me on.

Between that and the feeling that I was being ‘put out to pasture’ didn’t sit right with me–and the money. Let’s not forget that. I still have a family and husband to support, (we support one another). And to read the discussion board about how many teachers are leaving the district: my (now former) district has spent thousands of dollars investing in me, and to be so willing to let me go…

…and I guess I just need to say thank you for the honesty, so I could let go.

We, teachers, are getting a lot of mixed messages now: there is a teacher shortage, but it’s highly competitive. We want experienced teachers, but not too expensive. You can have a career path of your choosing, but not if it doesn’t fit within our mold. We want young teachers but don’t want to appear ageist. I wonder how many teachers were put on plans of support or had to call the union in because an admin team used the evaluation system to push them out of the district prior or during the district’s financial crisis? That would be interesting data to see. But we have to be quiet, stay low, under the radar, shut the door, and not challenge or question.

What makes sense? I know I would have liked to have seen more clear choice about career paths in my district that wasn’t grounded in favoritism or obscurity. Every year instead of just answering a building admin’s survey we could answer a survey online that would keep and curate our choices. But yeah, this isn’t going to happen anytime soon.

Everything is going to be fine for me, and to stretch this metaphor, this corner of my mental attic is swept out. I’m looking forward to next year, and next week, and even right here, today. It’s July 1, and that gives me a whole month to try NaNoWriMo— I always feel that November is too crowded, but this month should be just right. Now to pull a few more story boxes out of storage, and get writing!

PS I have no idea what Dave is up to now. I know I found the best man in the world for me, and we’ve been married almost 26 years. The heck with you, bad boyfriend.

*This is the document: (What I love about it is a place for some mentor teacher’s documents I’ve used)

IntroductiontoArgument

Space.

This is not my story to tell, so I hope my friend Sharon forgives me. Something she just went through inspired this tale. And Betsy Devos. Add my own experiences, too.

Betsy recently used a Shutterstock photo to demonstrate classrooms are no different today than they were in the 50s: factory-model workspaces that program robotic children. To say teachers pushed back doesn’t describe the scope of it. Not only is her lie insulting as its face value, it’s also offensive because of the money teachers spend to decorate and supply their classrooms.

How many teachers do I know who’ve requested donations for flexible seating furniture? Bought their own books? I cannot count the thousands of dollars I’ve spent on books, posters, lighting, shelving, pencils, paper, craft supplies, costumes, props: and the time spent putting it all together. Climbing on stepstools repeatedly with mildly arthritic hips to cover holes and graffiti on the walls with colorful, crafted anchor charts.

Sharon spent weeks curating and crafting a space in her classroom. She has never moved from this classroom in the twelve years I’ve worked with her and spends huge amounts of time, energy, creativity, and craftiness arranging the walls, materials, and engaging eye candy in her room. Not to mention the chicken in the terrarium. Oh, before you get your knickers in a knot, it’s not a living chicken. It’s an archeological demonstration.

That is until the Fire Marshall paid a visit: per code, 50% of the walls must be free of paper, etc. So she spent nine hours during our teacher directed day to take it all down.

Tearing down a creation is disheartening work. Exhausting and demoralizing. Discouraging and enraging. But she is not one to debate the Fire Marshall, so she complied.

Currently, I’m sharing my room with another teacher for two periods. It’s not “my room” though. It belongs to the school district. So my space, my things, my teaching tools must be reorganized. My beloved upper pillar that so proudly displayed my anchor charts now hosts an elementary-age alphabet chart, because that’s what her students need.

And evaluators have their preferences and biases to what should and shouldn’t be in a room. What might be a “word wealthy” or language-rich space to one teacher might be “controlled chaos” to an evaluator. Some teachers and evaluators abide a small amount of clutter, some do not. In order to share the space, I have been taking home stuff, (see about image) and trying to sort and de-clutter as much as possible. I have moved into our building, many times, at the huge expense of money, time, and physical labor. Just a few weeks ago I paid another colleague’s children $25 each to take things down to my car. Not going to lie: my hips can’t take it.

I’ve learned a few things from sharing the space, some selfish and some not. I’ve learned how much of an introvert I am: if there is no moment in the day where I can’t be alone I feel a great deal of anxiety. Considering I drive my son to the train every day, my husband is looking for a new job now, and I have no time during the day to myself, I am going to need to find some coping strategies. I’ve taken to wearing headphones and listening to music while I try to grade or plan. This gave me new-found sympathy for our students who listen to music in class—though the can’t multitask it saves them from the noise of classes. I’ve learned that I’m glad to be getting my ELL endorsement. I think I will do a great job given the chance.

The open-space concept is harmful to employees, and it distracts students, too. Right now I’m hanging out in a UW library, and most folks are in their own worlds. The occasional flirting conversation, sniffle or mumble distracts me a bit. Instead of flexible seating, we can provide students library-like spaces where they can sit and create, read, write, etc. without distractions? And consider ensuring teachers have spaces to call their own and cultivate a space where students feel welcome—I like to think I create a studio space. It may not be that now, but nothing is forever.

Those are wishes, though.

The most important thing I’ve learned stuff doesn’t really matter: I could teach in an empty room as long as I have big questions to ask and curiosity to share.

 

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