TL:DR Yes, I know what I am doing “wrong.” I’m not focused, I’ve got too much on my mind, like — all the time, and I’m in flight/fight/freeze mode. But other folks are, too, and I will not allow myself grace or forgiveness.
This is about a few things, and I realize it will not answer questions about prêt à porter teaching ideas: I have tried, but am usually so busy perfecting the flavor of lessons, I forget to share them.
My confidence is off, and no wonder. The weirdest things just happened with my evaluation, and I have spent the majority of my spring break in three ways: 1. trying not to think about it, 2. thinking about my rebuttal and rehearsing 3. avoiding redoing it out of resentment and injustice. In the big scheme of things, it’s not a big deal, except for me — I am reflective, coachable, and fair, and –stubborn. When I am right about something, it is damn near neurologically impossible for me to not defend myself. And when someone else is wrong, and I am right, the other player (in a power position) will trigger some deep trauma in me.
Basically, the subjective perspective of some administrators regarding the teacher evaluation system is wild. Truly, truly wild.
A friend of mine just said:
“We expect educators to be trauma-informed, culturally responsive, technologically proficient, and skilled data analysts who can pivot and differentiate instruction seamlessly at a moment’s notice, all while being evaluated based on test scores and classroom performance, usually by people who have not taught in over ten years, not taught your subject, and possibly not taught your grade level, and volunteer hours are actually “mandatory”, if we want to get it all done.
Teacher-tired is a whole nother level of tired, which is why I did nothing over break, and am fine with it.”
So no, I didn’t do ‘nothing;’ I worried, I stressed, spent time updating grades, planning lessons for the fourth quarter, etc., and tried to relax, dammit. RELAX.
Now, here’s the thing: I start happy with myself — I think I’m pretty cool, and my exuberance and joy motivate and spark my life; and then– people. People who don’t get me, don’t want what I’ve got, and let me know that they are not going to connect, either explicitly or passively, are like pebbles in my shoes.
My skeptic self will take a little of what Mel has to sell, the ‘let them’ approach, and I’ll keep it in mind. What does play in my head repeatedly is “wild and precious life wild and precious life wild and precious life” like a skip in the Mary Oliver record.
@melrobbins Stop allowing other people's opinions to prevent you from living YOUR life. Let Them. Listen to The Let Them Theory, narrated by yours truly, only on @Audible ♬ original sound – Mel Robbins
Break is almost over. I want to go back refreshed. And only I can do that for myself. So what if I didn’t get to launch my teacher wares like Brian T. did when he joined Creative English Teachers? So what if I don’t make cool TikToks like some of my other friends do? So what? Yeah, so what? Those grapes are sour, Kelly — and life is truly, really, and absolutely too short.